If You Need a Drug, Why Not Food?

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If You Need a Drug, Why Not Food?

Sometimes the cow patties in a book are like weeds in the sidewalk cracks. It’s hard to keep a few from springing up. Best not criticize, unless your own sidewalk is weed-free.

But when Carl Hiaasen wrote Star Island, I’m pretty sure he hauled along a bag of weed seeds and poured them in the sidewalk cracks on purpose.

That said, he wrote a pretty funny story.

The tale centers on Cherry Pye, a young singer who can’t sing. In fact she can barely lip-sync along with the voice they dub over hers.

Oh, but Cherry can make the headlines. She’s never met a drug she doesn’t like. Of course, the pills and the alcohol interfere a little bit with the career. How does a girl keep up with her concerts and her club-hopping when she’s always being shipped off to rehab?

Cherry’s team comes up with the perfect solution: hire a double.

And no, Cherry doesn’t know about this other blonde.

All the fun starts when a tubby photographer who smells like “a prison laundry bag” catches on to the deception.

Cherry’s team includes a stage mother who insists the girl’s drunken vomiting is “gastritis”; a manager who gobbles down scallops that taste “like a broiled tumor” while he worries about money, unreliable starlets, money, nosy photographers and money; and a bodyguard defaced by a botched electrolysis procedure.

Throw in a former Florida governor who walked out of his office for good to camp out in the swamps.

Hiaasen piles on the hijinks in all his books. I laughed often throughout Star Island. I scratched my head when all the plot lines tangled together. And, of course, I cringed through the grossness. There was no need for it. No need at all.

 

Cherry should give up the drugs and find herself a good square meal or two. I can point her to a few restaurants where she can fill up quick on some excellent stuff:

Enough choices? Or do you need more?

Enough choices? Or do you need more?

 

Chicken Fajita Panini

Chicken Fajita Panini

 

Cheesy Corn Bisque

Cheesy Corn Bisque

 

Good old Chicken Salad Sandwich

Good old Chicken Salad Sandwich

. . . which in my hungry desperation, I nearly devoured before I remembered to get out the camera.

 

And, to top it all off:

The moistest chocolate cake I have ever eaten.

The moistest chocolate cake I have ever eaten. The piece was so big, it took two forks to eat it.

 

By | 2016-12-29T23:56:20+00:00 September 28th, 2015|cakes, desserts, salads, sandwiches, side dishes, soups|0 Comments

About the Author:

Kristen Carson was born in Idaho. She has lived in Utah, Texas, Illinois and Pennsylvania. She currently resides near Indianapolis. She and her husband are the parents of four adult children. Carson's stories and articles have appeared in Chicago Parent, Indianapolis Monthly, and Dialogue: a Journal of Mormon Thought.

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