And how did your big game go?
Did anybody get raped, pillaged, trampled under a horse, burned with torches, locked away in a cold isolation cell, anything like that?
Oh, wait. Wrong game. You’ve been hearing all about the Super Bowl while I’ve been munching on tail-gater food, absorbed in the Medieval Bowl. Who’s playing? Well, it’s the Monks vs. the Earls.
Mini Muffulettas
This game is laid out in Ken Follett’s Pillars of the Earth, the mega-book I talked about last week.
On one team, we have Philip, the prior of Kingsbridge, and Tom, the master mason.
A prior, for us non-Catholics, is a top officer in a monastery. Anyway, Philip is a decent sort. When he arrives at Kingsbridge, he sees a church in need of repairs, monks who play dice and keep pet dogs, and a dunghill sitting next to the fishpond. Why doesn’t somebody whip things into shape? he wonders. So he solicits the prior job.
As for Tom, he possesses stellar building skills. His wife wishes he’d build her a nice house and settle her into a comfy life. But Tom only wants to work on cathedrals. So he travels the countryside, looking for the right job, arrives in Kingsbridge, meets Philip and . . .
Apple Coleslaw
On the other team, we have William Hamleigh and Bishop Waleran.
William was born into the class of earls. You’d think his life would be pretty nice—living in a castle, collecting rent from the peasants. But earldom is evidently more precarious than it looks. The king may like you. He may hand out land and privileges. But he also might not be king next year Then you have to kiss up to somebody new, all the while making him/her forget that you were good buddies with his/her enemies.
Anyway, William and his mummy and daddy plot, plan and play dirty. If they run short of ideas, they go to Bishop Waleran, a man whose every deed pads his own fortunes. Being a bishop, he can’t get his hands dirty, but why should he when he’s got Willing William, who aches to roam the county, spreading misery?
So that’s the big game, although I’ll admit I’m barely into the fourth quarter, so I don’t yet know who wins. (It better be Philip!). But I can give you an idea of the good and the bad.
Blue Moon Inn Cheese Spread
A fascinating theme throughout the book is the cathedral-building itself. This is 12th-century England, and architecture runs toward the willy-nilly. Somebody builds a small church, things grow, they add a wing or a window, maybe add more when they can afford it. I’ll bet you’ve seen buildings like this, buildings that just don’t match themselves.
But Tom, our stone-mason, has been studying and thinking about cathedrals. All those arches and buttresses not only solidify the structure sound. They create a sense of harmony. I liked watching Tom figure this out.
Follett builds an excellent plot, for the most part. Troubles and complications build on one another. Like, Yes! Philip’s petition to the king was granted. Yay, Philip! But wait, now Philip’s made an enemy. Oh, no! I wonder what the other team’s gonna do to him?
This kind of plotting lasts well into the third quarter. Then it changes and suddenly these characters do things for no discernible reason except to stir up noise. Like,
Husband: The Huns are almost upon us! You must flee to the forest!
Wife: No, no, I won’t! I must stay beside you because . . . Umm . . . Because . . .
Mr. Follett seems to have run out of becauses.
Graham Nut Clusters
Also, we have a few cow patties. William cannot, um, function unless he mixes in a little cruelty.
I’ll keep reading, in hopes that the Monks vs. Earls plays better than that other game today.
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